He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize