Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
