this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
