MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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