just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
