addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My feet surprised me
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