You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
