I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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