A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
