i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
