I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
