I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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