Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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