Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
