Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
