She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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