So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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