last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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