Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the day after is always just damage control
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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