If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
