I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
