Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
