I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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