You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
