Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
