If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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