we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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