someone get that fucking seahorse.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
