i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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