I skipped work to stalk him.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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