so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
