I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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