Non-Jews are for practice
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
