bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
where are my eyebrows?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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