I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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