the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
