nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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