i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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