Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
