Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
