Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
