My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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