I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
