He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
