Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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