Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
