he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this will be a night to untag.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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