The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
