we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
