All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
