and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
