I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
