Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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