This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
