i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
