everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
