this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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