girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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