I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
