I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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