I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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