U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think my vagina is haunted
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
