I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
