this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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