I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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