I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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