Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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