i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
