i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
