The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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