so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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