you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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