After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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