he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
