i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
