I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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