So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
