She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
