bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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