I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
