Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think I won the penis lottery.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
