I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
