I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
