Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
