You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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