In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
