i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
