I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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