i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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