You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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