Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
