This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
