I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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