went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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