well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
