I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
