Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Success! We fucked roommates!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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