yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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