just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
