Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
