you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
