The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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