My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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