She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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