He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Panties = found
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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