Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize