her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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