D3 body, D1 cock
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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