I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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