he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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