If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just cropdusted the office
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
